How to lose weight in ten days

Aim - to lose weight drastically in ten days
Reason - my cousin's wedding is in two weeks time, and the measurements for the clothes she bought for me for the occasion are er.....really smaller than I am now (I always wonder how I add these love handles so easily!). To fit into the dress (am in her train), I must lose weight....and quickly!

Plan - Well, Let us try the diet of the month, the ...er...one that Jessica Alba follows so strictly....
hold on a second!
Of course I am a Nigerian! And of course I will not be following some American or BRitish or Hawaii diet regimen that does not put into consideration the haphazard life we live here in Lagos. I am going to do it my own way.

Structure
A. PRAYER: My mother is a member of MFM (Mountain of Fire and Miracles) church, and they started their seventy (yes you read 70) days fasting and prayer on Sunday the 12th of October. Now its a simple structure really - You fast till 2pm everyday except for Mondays and Fridays when you break at 5pm. Simple isnt it? Plus you must break your fast with something mild, like fruits (healthy abi?).

B. GIRDLE: Bo just gave me a girdle. Now its too...restricting to wear ALL the time, so she suggested that I put it on at night before I go to bed. I thought I could not wear it and sleep but guess what? I slept soundly!. That will take care of the fat storage, and the love handles.

C. EXERCISE: Er, I know that the logical thing is to do sit - ups and press ups and go to the gym, and all that, but I must confess to you - I hate doing sit ups (I just don't like it, no particular reason), press ups builds my arms so fast, you would think I'm a weight lifter for the Olympics (the one that broke the world record for women). I cannot find time for the gym, so I am stuck. But I have a solution - walking! I can walk instead of taking bikes (I've already decided to walk instead anyway, after that accident I witnessed the other day). And I a fast paced walker or so they tell me, so it wont be any stress and all I have to do is ensure that I plan my time well so I dont get to appointments late.

D. SWIMMING: I love being in water so much! My Mum once told me that when I was a toddler, before she got help, when she needed to do some chores around the house e.g. cleaning, laundry, she had two options - she could place several pillows on the carpet and place me, reclining on them, in front of the TV and I would be occupied with Bill Cosby Show or Sesame street, or in the advent of no electricity, she could fill my baby tub with water and put me in it. As a result, when I got older and kept longing to swim, she blamed herself regularly. Eventually she relented and took my brother and I to the staff pool in UNILAG and under her eagle eye, we waddled in the shallow end for years until the pool was closed.
But guess what? Its been opened again!! And it costs only 500 naira to swim a whole day. Now if I go to church on Sabbath, and from there go to the pool, I wont be breaking the Sabbath rule will I? Cos am resting, its a form of relaxation!
I read somewhere that Swimming is one of the very few total exercises, that task your whole body, even your eyebrows (I guess its the sway of the water). I intend to take advantage of the pool and the weekend.

E. WARNING: THIS PROGRAM MIGHT NOT END IN TEN DAYS (THE WEDDING SETUP BEGINS ON THE 28TH OF NOVEMBER), but its ten days to the final fitting. So if I am waiting till the prewedding party, that means I have until the 27th which is fourteen days (baa! not much xtra!)

F. EXPECTATIONS: I shall be needing your prayers and your er...support. Pls no negative comments, no discouragements - I don't want to hear stuff like "you cannot possibly lose up to 5kg in ten days", or "quit dreaming. u will always be orobo.". Just words of encouragement! Thanks friends!

WISH ME LUCK!!!

Comments

Proffy Prof said…
Far fron it!!!U can do anything u set ur mind to! I wld av said "Now just start sth dats regular,sth u can maintain ova a long period"-but u said u need it quick...hmm quick fixes are ok.Lets give it try. But i hope ur jolly nature wont go with the Love handles or the fat(fat pple are usually jolly good!!!!
disgodkidd said…
hey next time u going to the pool, gimme a call so that i can drown myself...afterall thats what jack did in titanic...